I completed one round of trip. I paused for a while, and looked up at the sky. I was tired. I walked again in the lawn with empty mind. I walked and paused. Then I walked aimlessly. A mind which was empty; a joke, a serious joke. How could a mind be empty with no thoughts? But it was; nothing positive or negative. It was just like a body without soul, a mouth without tongue and a nose unable to breathe.
I sat on the bench. It was cold November night. It was an empty sky with no stars. Besides me, an empty bed with no being. I had nothing to resist my shivering. Still I prefered an open atmosphere to think. The trees were around me. There was only one light, one light, of course, one light. Suddenly, I felt severe cold and looked at it. A jumbled thoughts ran over me.
I realised the trauma I have just passed through. I struggled. I succeeded. I beat it with all courage and hope. A hope which let me lived. “Hope will never disappoint you; expectations will. Hope has wings; expectations has no, but still fly wilder in the universe,” my heart uttered.
The trauma had granted me a life full of flavours, sweet and bitter. Sweet in the manner of wisdom; bitter in the manner of suffering. Wisdom and suffering are associated to either chastity or forgiveness. Chastity I withhold, and forgiveness I behold.
I searched the tales of woe and forgiveness in the pages of history. “Forgive your enemies, but don’t forget their names,” John F. Kennedy said. How to forgive without forget? A question visited me multiple times. You must forget to forgive.
I remembered the days when I was shattered. The days when I was under a cloud. The days when I was restless. The days of struggle, the days of suffering, the days of sorrow; yes, the days of tears.
How to forgive? How to forgive? How? I asked myself? The man who wrenched my heart. The man who chuckled my chest. The man who scratched my body. It is an ideal job to forgive such a man, I think.
I read the stories of Prophet Muhammad, Nelson Mandela and Bacha Khan. Inter alia, these are the three leaders in the history of world. The three inspiration of a depressed soul. The three voices of hope. The three strugglers for change. They endeavoured all the troubles in their life. All these leaders narrated the philosophy of forgiveness.
I was a man who thought that forgiveness is a mistake. After the day, I walked, and then sat on the same bench. I reflected upon three stories. All I found is forgiveness. My mind went back to the quote, “the best revenge I believe is no revenge.”
The three voices combinely echoed in my ear to … I resisted and said, “how?, how could I forget?” I cried. In a little while, the tears on my face became shiny. The heartbeat became relaxed. Again the three voices strongly echoed in my ear to forgive, forgive, forgive.
The voices lighted up my heart. I left my bench. I opened my wings. I looked up to the sky. The sky was starry. I took breath in open atmosphere. At last, I walked, walked and walked with a mind full of meaningful thoughts.
~Saad Ul Haq
